September 30, 2010
Summer has ended. Autumn has arrived. The change in the weather can’t be ignored. The wind blows colder and the mornings feel damp and brisk. The leaves are already beginning to change, the grass is starting to fade. The crickets outside my window at night won’t be chirping for much longer and I will have to listen to something other than their songs to put me to sleep.
In time, the air will carry the scent of rotting leaves. Though the idea seems repulsive, the smell comforts me and the sound of them scuffling across the ground puts me in a better state of mind. Many people find autumn depressing because everything is beginning to go dormant for the coming winter. I on the other hand, find autumn to be the best time of the year. It’s a feeling I get, some kind of response to the things my senses perceive.
Life slows down, it fades and recoils back inside of itself, as if the natural world is falling asleep. I find peace in this season, it’s a time to reflect upon myself. A momentary sigh, a grace period before the wrath of winter.
In a lot of my writings I use the word “home” as a destination. Very rarely am I ever referring to the physical house in which I live. I’m most often talking about a state of mind or a pattern of thought. One that I find peace in, a state of mind that makes me put things into perspective, that renews my sense of worth and well-being.
So in this way, I hope autumn calls you home just as it does me. Life is a fleeting thing my friend. It’s far too short to be spent in anger or bitterness. It’s so hard to give a shit sometimes, I know this as well as anyone else. It’s hard to care about the people that anger you and it’s hard to forgive the people that hurt you. We all get caught up in raw emotion and situations that are blown out of proportion.
There are so many things that blind us to the meaningful things in life. A lot of material crap that honestly has no value, it’s just distraction. Distraction from things that we don’t want to face or accept, something to make us forget that in reality not everything is okay. But it’s alright to feel pain, you can’t hide from it forever.
A day will come when you’ll know that everything you cling to in order to pass the time is a waste of life. A day will come when you must ponder the direction in which you travel. Is it forwards? Backwards? Are you standing still? I have learned that life won’t let you live in ignorance without interruption.
As autumn is a time of passing, I can’t possibly not talk about dying. If there was anything in life that makes us understand what’s important, it’s loss. For those who have lost someone they loved, they fully understand what’s important in life and everyday that person is vacant from their life they are reminded of just how valuable every moment is.
The pain of loss is a pain that never disappears, it’s a scar that marks the absence of a hand you wish you could still hold. It’s a shadow over your day that reminds you of the smile you can no longer see, it’s a ringing in your ear to remind you of the voice you’ll never hear again.
Don’t live your life in bitterness, don’t miss out on the sweeter things in life. Cherish what you have and treasure the things that money cannot buy. Breathe deep in the knowledge that you have been graced with the chance at life, laugh out loud every chance you get, smile at everyone you meet. Hold no ill will against ignorant people because it’s their life they are wasting, let go of the burden of hatred and anger, it will only weigh you down. Set free your passions and embrace what awakens you, harbor only the joyful memories and dare to believe in the things you dream of.
This essay is available as an audio track on SoundCloud: