Tag: Hopelessness

In Search of Self

In Search of Self Over the years I’ve learned that the most potent of personal feelings can be the most consoling and relatable to other people who are going through their own hardships. So without even knowing it, you can touch the lives of…

It’s Been A While

It’s Been A While August 19, 2016 I haven’t posted anything on here in quite some time.  Furthermore, I haven’t typed anything extensive that would garner being posted.  The year 2016 has been a harsh one, not just for me, but also for other…

The Darklord

I feel it now, in the distance, that slow advance of the cold, pressing forwards and retreating as if to test the walls of my castle.  It comes at dawn and dusk, settles upon me in an eerie breath of darkness the way the…

In My Own Words

**Note: this essay was written in 2012, I no longer identify under the label “gay”.  The word has too many restrictions, connotations, stereotypes and unintended meanings. July 2, 2012 In My Own Words It is fundamentally important to understand that people choose their religious…

If You Could Only See

(Please note that this piece was written prior to the Federal Supreme Court decision ruling it unconstitutional to deny same-sex couples the right to marry.) For a very long time, I’ve wanted to be able to write something that spelled out exactly why civil…

Self-Reflection: To End A Cold, Damp Day

September 18, 2011 Self-Reflection: To End A Cold, Damp Day If ever there was something that I could call my own, something that I could say was my niche in life, this would be it. What I’m doing right now, this act is the…

Two Journeys, One Life

March 27, 2011 I was born on the 14th of November 1985 to Catholic German Americans. On one August night in the year 1996, a black hand would descend upon me, leaving behind a scar that would forever alter the direction of my life….

The Demon In Me

January 2, 2011 The Demon In Me Everything is black, save the sparks of sanity within; the buzz in my head, a melody of self-deprivation or rather the hum of degradation.  I look around and the darkness prevails, always the melancholy thought, but dammit I…

Through My Eyes

November 29, 2010 “Because everywhere I go there is a world that doesn’t understand.” I would give up the rest of my life to show you how it feels, to make you see life through my eyes. If even for a moment, I could…

A Letter on the Intrinsic Threads of the Human Heart

October 2, 2010 Dear Whomever, For half a decade I have been sharing my deepest and often times my darkest thoughts with anyone who has wandered onto my path. I have shared my life, my private thoughts and my most personal of emotions in…

These Walls, That Shadow, Those Memories and This Soul

September 10, 2010 These Walls, that Shadow, those Memories, and this Soul How do you heal a man who’s pain is inside his head, a pain that transcends flesh and bone? Behind these walls of distrust and shame, hidden so far deep inside of…

Depression and Iron: A Love Story

February 28, 2010 Many years ago I picked up a barbell for the first time after watching my brothers do the same. It only weighed between 10 and 20 lbs, but this one instance would lead to many more for years to come and…

At Peace With Goodbye

June 2007 Remembering you is never enough to smother the flame above my heart, memories of what has been will never be suffice to subside my desire to touch you one last time. Photographs of you do your presence no justice, this paper form…

Asylum of My Mind: A Beckoning to Darker Places

November 30, 2009 Asylum of My Mind: A Beckoning to Darker Places A subtle flickering of light in my head, a missed revelation to coming events. For a moment I think to myself that it’s nothing at all, just something for today. It won’t…

My Heart in the Sun

August 2008 My Heart in the Sun So long ago a journey to forget all the things that I had remembered, began with the kiss of poison in a cup.  Embarked upon in the name of hope and peace, like banners in the sky,…

The Sun Will Rise Again

November 2007 The Sun Will Rise Again Reading about or hearing the stories of people who are or who once fought with depression makes me remember my own dark days. Looking back now, it’s hard to believe that I was once that far down,…

A Letter To My Sister

July 2007 (This letter has been edited for privacy reasons.) Dear Sister, I hope that this night of July 24, 2007, my words can be of service to you, a glimmer of comfort upon your aching heart, a wave of love unbound, pouring forth…